This is
about 10 to 12 years back. I was heading MTV India then. We used to do a
lot of great work for AIDS awareness. Not just in India but Globally. From the MTV
Music Summit for AIDS to some local PSA/ promos and more. We partnered with a
bunch of great organizations including the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation,
UNAIDS and among others, Parmeshwar Godrej’s Heroes Project that was working with
Richard Gere to build support for the cause.
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| Parmeshwar Godrej with Richard Gere |
We'd done some stuff on the
content side with Saroj Mayadev and Rani from their team and so
I was invited in by them for a ‘soiree’ at the Godrej Villa. My first reaction
was, “Arre, hee sorry ka boltay? Chaangla kaam keylay aapan!” When I was
educated by my Comms head, the irrepressible Mr. Hemant Kenkre. Kenks as we
lovingly called him said, “Arre vedyaa, sorry naahi… su-waa-ray… soiree,
manjhe, party!”
So I said
soiree, erm, sorry for misunderstanding. But was really surprised, cause when
cool people have a party for cool people – I would probably not be invited. In
fact, I wouldn’t want to go to a party where people like me are invited. So
Kenks again knocked some sense into me head, “Patil, zaa re. Munh-dikhaayi
karke aaja!” I told him, “Iss munh-dikhaayi ke paise nahi milenge.” He gave me
a look that meant he was going to speak until I was convinced, so I had to
relent. And then he added, “Erm, chaangle kapde ghalun za. Your Kolhapuris won’t
do. Boot aani jacket compulsory!”
Aaila! The
last time I’d worn a jacket was when I got married. And I was really
uncomfortable. Really, I have photographic evidence. Not just of the marriage, but
the discomfort. Though a lot of people say the ‘uncomfortable’ look may not be
the jacket. Anyway, so I decided to drag myself – with my shaadi ka jacket, it
still fit me, and I’d also forgotten to remove a mothball from the inside
pockets – to the soiree. I had an Accent then – dude, I mean my car, Hyundai
Accent, not like accent-accent, the only accent of that sort I had was the one
that worked well with traffic cops when you skipped a signal! – and pulled in
in a jam of Maybachs, Porsches, besides Mercs, Audis, Beamers when a lot of Punjabis didn't own them yet. The valet took
my keys, gave me a look again to just check I wasn’t one of the attendants and
then directed me inside.
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| Adi Godrej in his den |
I felt like
I was walking into a Bond villain’s den. There were like 12 large sniffer dogs,
24 larger Dwayne Johnson knock-offs playing guards dressed like they’re from the
CIA, complete with black suits, headsets, dark glasses at 9pm, 3 swimming pools
– 1 for crocodiles, 1 for sharks, 1 just to pee in – really expensive looking
art installations, paintings that you are not meant to understand but ‘haath
mat lagaa na, gandoo, mehnge hain!’ tags and more.
The party was already
buzzing and all the people you only read about or see in the papers were
already there. The high society crowd, cricketers, industrialists, etc. And I felt
out of place right away. I cursed Kenks but that’s when I think I met the
wonderful Parmesh Shahani for the first time. He looked like a very cool art
installation even then and took me to the bar and gave me a dirty look when
told him I was a teetotaler. He told me, “Don’t worry it’s free!” And then got
me a Coke.
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| Spectre without the cat |
So I was
standing there nursing a cola, looking for an exit cue, when I heard a voice
go, “You look like you’re having fun!” So I was like, “Yeah, the excitement is
killing me…” when I turn and realise it’s Vinod fuckin’ Khanna. He’s in a black
suit, holding a drink. He smiles and I have all these flash cuts of him from
all these films – Qurbani, Hera Pheri, Mere Apne... as it gets to the image in
blue shorts I stop and smile back awkwardly.
Vinod fuckin’ Khanna is now
walking up to me. And this is happening in slow motion for me. Like it’s a
Cinthol ad and he’s in a denim shirt & jeans with buttons open till his
navel showing chest hair cause in those days men in movies didn’t wax their
chest and he’s running with a horse for some reason and I can hear horse hooves
going clippity clop, clippity clop.
He reaches me and introduces himself, “Hi,
I’m Vinod fuckin’ Khanna.” No, I mean he said, “Hi, I’m Vinod Khanna.” But that’s
how it was playing out to me. It’s VINOD FUCKIN' KHANNA. I’m rarely ever
star-struck, but this guy was just sooo cool. So I say, “I’m Ashish Patil.” He
asked me what I do. So I told him I work at MTV. And he goes, “Oh my son used
to work there. He was a, what do you call it, VJ!” So I’m like, yeah, I know.
And he points out to his son, “Look there he is by the pool, chatting up some
ladies… baap pe gaya hai :)” Whoa! Vinod fuckin’ Khanna is cracking jokes
with me. I mean Rahul was cool, but he was just Rahul Khanna. Not Rahul fuckin’
Khanna like his dad, you know. He continues, “Rahul really liked it there you know, great atmosphere, good people to work with, some fun work even if they didn't pay too well." I told him things hadn't changed much even now on that front :) He asked me what brought me here? So I
reply, “To be honest, I don’t know, but we do some work for HIV/ AIDS awareness
and Richard is an old friend. So that probably got me invited.” He asks, “Really?”
I said no. I mean, yes about the HIV/ AIDS part but no on the Richard part. So he laughed.
And said it’s quite amazing what you guys are doing
for this cause. And went on to tell me about the time when he was at the Osho
Ashram. And in those days, a lot of diseases had not been discovered or
invented or more appropriately, named yet. But his Guru [and he was referring
to Rajneesh] made sure that all the disciples were being tested even then. And
he was clinking his glass with his glasses. So now I have ‘Mungda’ from ‘Inkaar’
playing as he’s talking about Osho.
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| Haiyya ho haiyya! |
I told him,
btw, we have another thing in common. We both went to the same college. Ex-Sydenhamites.
And, in fact, my dad was his classmate. He goes, “That must have been a
long time back!” I told him about this incident that my dad had
narrated. About the time when apparently he and his Sydenham Gymkhana buddies burst some
crackers INSIDE the classroom. And the then principal, KT Merchant had thrown them all
out. He laughed and said, “That wasn’t me Patil!” And winked! And then he
walked away. To the tunes of ‘Haiya ho haiya’ from 'Dayavan'. With drums in
overdrive.
I found my
exit cue shortly but what stayed with me about that evening was not the fact
that he was so humble and so good looking and that he still had hair on his
chest, even if it was white [yeah I noticed] and that the cleft is his chin was
soooo deep and he was so nice. But that he was just soooooooo cool. Not just
like cool looking and cool in the way he spoke and dressed. But just fuckin’
cool. He made movies cool by just being in them. He made this gig cooler by
just landing up. And not regular cool. But COOOOOL. Repeat after me, “KEWWWWLLLL”.
And you should feel a gush of wind as you stretch the “OOOOO”, “COOOOOOOL”. You
feeling it yet? He was the original stud. And remained that. He made Salman
Khan cooler by playing his dad in Dabangg. I was really dying to do an Amar
Akbar Anthony reboot with him. But maybe that’s best left untouched.
So thank
you for the movies, thank you for the memories, thank you for being so cool,
thank you for being you. Thank you for making that evening so memorable. And by
virtue of that giving me a great story to share and, in turn, making me – say it
with me – “COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!”
