Things I Learnt By Being On A List With Prince, David Bowie, Beyoncé & The Rock

Something pretty hectic and kinda overwhelming happened recently. By some strange luck, I landed up being featured on an Ad Age list that covers the Top 50 Creative People in the World for 2016 for a campaign we worked on of India’s 1^st Transgender Band – the 6-Pack Band. The list was started in 2005 and covers a mix of musicians, filmmakers, writers, Grammy®, Oscar®, Booker® winners, tech people, inventors, CSR guys, artistes. People who’ve contributed brave, path-breaking, innovative, fun ideas that caught the imagination of the public and made a positive impact through the year. Past winners include the likes of David Fincher, JJ Abrams, Banksy, Pharrell Williams, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Larry Page & Sergey Brin, Mark Zuckerberg, the founders of Instagram, Snapchat, Kickstarter. The 2016 list has David Bowie, Prince, Ryan Reynolds, Beyoncé, Dwayne Johnson [the Rock], Tom Ford, John Hanke [the man behind Pokémon Go], Airbnb founders, Giphy founder, Creative Director of Oculus, creator of Otto [the self-driving car tech guys who got bought out by Uber] among others. It’s pretty much a ‘who’s who’. So when a ‘who’s he?’ like me makes it in there, it makes you think. Hey, how, where, what the f*** just happened?

So I called Shital, my wife, to give her the news. She happened to be visiting her mom then. And my mom-in-law [MIL] came on line to wish me…

MIL: Hallo… Congraytulesun! [she’s Gujarati]

ME: Thank you, thank you

MIL: So… what is this for anyway?

ME: Uh… well… it’s a list of the Top 50 Creative Minds of the World published by Ad Age

MIL: What’s Ad Age?

ME: It’s a really respected magazine published out of the US and circulated globally

MIL: Has anyone heard of it in India?

ME: Er… I don’t know…

MIL: Wouldn’t Filmfare, Femina or at least Grihashobha have been better?

ME: Umm…

MIL: Anyway, who else is on this list?

ME: Some really big & famous names from across the world you know… like Prince

MIL: Who’s he? Prince of what kingdom?

ME: Prince of nowhere – just a fantastic singer-songwriter, multiple award winner, passed away a little earlier this year

MIL: Oh, so he’s dead!

ME: Yeah

MIL: Hmm…

ME: There’s also David Bowie… genius, innovator, actor, musician…

MIL: Isn’t he also dead?

ME: Erm… yeah

MIL: Is there anyone still alive on this group besides you or is it only conferred posthumously?

ME: Well, there are the Duffer Brothers

MIL: Duffers huh? That sounds like someone you'd be on a list with… what have they done?

ME: They make shows, for TV & the web… they made a very cool show called ‘Stranger Things’ on Netflix

MIL: See… you also do such strange things, it makes sense

ME: [Silence]

MIL: Do they give you any prize money for this? [she’s Gujarati]

ME: [Beat] No

MIL: A trophy, certificate, medal?

ME: No

MIL: Ok… btw, our Jain Jagruti Mandal is giving 21,000 rupees to the kids who top their boards this year, anyway, whatever makes you happy I guess [Passes the phone back to my wife]

SHITAL: Hello…

ME: Listen, tell your mom she’s talking to one of the Top 50 Creative Minds in the World and she should speak with respect!

SHITAL: Yeah, all that is fine, just remember you still have to hang the towel after you’re out of the shower and remember to pick up veggies on the way home, bye! [Hangs up, before I say bye]

ME: Hello… hello?

It’s a good thing to have people around you who don’t just keep you grounded, but often, under-grounded. Because I know the 6-Pack Band was a good idea, but I’m also acutely aware of the fact that the recognition that both the idea, and most certainly, I personally have received is disproportionate to how good the idea was. I’m not just being modest [that doesn’t come naturally to me anyway] but it’s good to have an honest perspective. Because you know it’s not often that you’ll land up on a list between Beyoncé & The Rock. It made me pull back and think about what was so unique or different about this idea and what could have made this explosion happen. Now, of course, vision is always 20:20 in the rear view and there is no magic sauce because if there were, and I knew what it was, I would be sitting on my own private island, sipping [in my case] a chhaas, not sitting here writing a blogpost. But no. That’s clearly not the case. So here is my reading or learning from this experience. Maybe one can attempt to apply that to what we try to do next to replicate its impact. If not, to at least, have as much fun along the way.

#1: DREAM BIG

I have this picture in my cabin of the 6-Pack Band, a print out that says 100 crores and of Obama from the cover of ‘Out’ [an LGBT magazine]. When we were starting out on this campaign, the vision that we had was not limited to getting a million views, a piece in the papers or a few awards. It was as ambitious, outrageous as it could get. To get the band and its music out to 100 crore [1 billion] people and to get Obama to tweet about it. I think when you set out to achieve something larger, bigger, absurd or unimaginable and more importantly, are able to transfer, transplant that dream on to others – that is when it actually, strangely becomes possible.

Me in my office with Barry!

#2: MAKE MEANING

As content creators, story tellers, we enjoy telling different stories of different characters in different ways. Some are funny, some emotional, some scary. Across platforms, formats, genres in different shapes, sizes, scales. Largely to entertain, sometimes to enlighten and inspire. But when you set out to create something that has a greater purpose… to really tangibly, materially bring about change in mindsets of at least people associated with the campaign if not more who you manage to reach out to… things take on a whole new meaning. Everything we have done on Y-Films digital in the last one year has had something more to say – while that may not have been its primary agenda – but we believe that gave it the relevance to go deeper. Like Ladies Room is not just 2 cool chicks across 6 loos, but touches upon the very real issue of unwanted pregnancy/ abortion. With Man’s World we went in to gender equality and how even the most ‘liberal’ men/ people have at times a very warped perspective of it. Love Shots showcased the love stories of a blind couple, a girl with autism among others. And Sex Chat with Pappu & Papa covered the much needed space of sex education. The 6-Pack Band was a shout out to the world to accept the much discriminated ‘hijra’ community into the mainstream. One song at a time. And at a larger level, a shout out for anyone who has ever been discriminated against.

The Y-Films anthology

And everyone who came on board signed up for a larger purpose. From the team that nurtured the idea at Y-Films, my brother Shameer Tandon & his kickass team, the incredible bunch of people who collaborated on the project, to the GroupM & Unilever gang and the fabulous team that helped mount and execute the campaign including Niharika, Sridhar, Arjun, Nishant, Mithun, Nupur, Hitesh, Cyril & Vivek. And also each and every one who helped promote the project. From the PR & Marketing teams at YRF, the digital team that actually deployed, published, tagged the videos, the journos & people who wrote, tweeted, posted about it.

I am a great believer in vibes, energies. And I really believe that when so many people come together with such positive vibes and energies – they give that idea such a massive multiplier effect that it takes on a life that’s much larger than it was originally conceived to have. Something that’s definitely bigger than the guy who may have thought of it originally. It then becomes an unstoppable force of nature. Which is what happened to this idea. It just exploded. Well beyond our imaginations.

#3: BE RELEVANT, HAVE FUN

The theme was very topical. Globally. It came at a time when Bruce/ Caitlyn Jenner were buzzing, Laverne Cox of Orange is the New Black had got on to the cover of Time Magazine among the most influential people, same-sex marriages were legalised in a majority of states across the US, the Supreme Court in India had just recognised the 3^rd gender in a landmark judgement, Transparent had swept the Emmies/ Golden Globes, Eddie Redmayne was generating Oscar® buzz for The Danish Girl, Obama was on the cover of an LGBT magazine, members of the trans community were getting into the Oval office, getting jobs as cops, college principals, etc. So even in design, when we launched the campaign, we consciously opened it with a song that was Pharrell William’s Happy – no one expected this band to open with a cover of an English song! – it helped get it out there to a lot more people internationally. The same way, even locally, we made sure we did a mix of Hindi, even regional – Marathi – to deploy the message wider. Also, we made it relatable & fun… the messaging was wrapped in entertainment. Not soppy, definitely not preachy. But smartly embedded it with great music & dance. Weaving in the signature hijra clap in lyrics, hook steps and as musical instruments, in the music videos through the narrative and more. Because if we could get you to singalong, dance along and not be embarrassed to imitate a hook step, or play it out loud on your car stereo – we know we had gotten one step closer to integrating this community into the mainstream. And the 6-Pack Band went on to become by far the most significant original music artiste launched in 2016. With such a varied mix of music – sufi, qawali, pop, stomp, Bollywood… and got their music licensed by a bunch of people besides performing on an award show.

Laverne Cox of OITNB on TIME

Caitlyn Jenner on Vanity Fair cover

Amazon Prime's Transparent

#4: SCREAM & SHOUT – GET PEOPLE TO DO THE SAME

We very smartly brought in some great collaborations [Anushka, Sonu, Hrithik, SRK, Salman, Asha Bhosle & family, Rahat, Arjun Kapoor] who really helped amplify the campaign. Mind you these are all people who came in because they believed in the idea and the theme. Not because we were paying them any money [we weren't!] and would have done it irrespective of whether it was Y-Films pitching this or otherwise. 

The 6-Pack Standee in the YRF lobby with Salman & SRK

People also often look at sponsors/ partners as people who are a pain, hate servicing them and often fight them to bring in brand messaging, product, etc. I find that stupid. Two of the best partners I have ever worked with are GroupM & Unilever. I have no doubt they have played one of the most important roles in making this campaign much bigger than it would have ever been. So we actually worked very hard on making sure we are able to carry them with us every step of the way – be it by doing a full-fledged chai song, using the Brooke Bond Red Label packs to make stomp music, showcasing consumption and more. We would never have the money or the muscle to even enter the Cannes Lions competition… and that win has also helped get this campaign out to many more people. So my two bits to people who resist/ fight sponsors is – don’t! Work with them, not for them, but make it worth their while. Being profitable will give you the luxury to be creative and also the ability to shout louder. If you can do that using OPM [other people’s money]… why not?

#5: DON’T GIVE UP [YOU’VE STILL GOT A COUPLE OF MOTHERF***ERS TO PROVE WRONG]

Finally, just having a good idea is not enough. You do have to work – very hard – to make it happen. To execute it. And execute it well. The fact of the matter is; there are no shortcuts to anyplace worth going. There were enough times when we were putting together the campaign that we wanted to give up. After all, there is no Indian Idol for transgenders right? You can’t just put out a Facebook post saying ‘Looking for singers who just happen to be from the LGBT community’. We had absurd things happen including having men dressed up in sarees come and crash our auditions for their 15 seconds of fame. And just when we would be at that point, where we wanted to say, "This is never gonna happen!"... we would have one small breakthrough. Like hearing one voice like Chandni's who will stir your soul. Or Fida who will surprise you by suddenly singing a Michael Jackson song. And we'd decide to give this another fortnight.

The trick was to also not stop or give up even after we had the first few successes in terms of hitting our first million views within 24 hours of launch, the insane media pick up the band started getting or the Cannes Grand Prix Glass Lion. It’s important to not give up especially after you succeed. The campaign was designed not just as a one off tactical thing to win an award but as something spread over 6 months that will come at you relentlessly with 6 songs, 6 music videos, in different languages, genres of music until it hits you. 

And I’m so glad we hung in there. Because the pay-off has been totally worth it. And the most powerful recognition came not in the form of the Cannes Grand Prix Glass Lion, the Webby, the multiple Emvies, Goafest trophies, etc. but from something Komal [one of the transgender members of the 6-Pack Band] told us in the middle of a media interview.  She was asked what has changed for her since the launch… And she said well, she’s being respected, recognized on the local train now. But among other things, she got a call from someone who asked her over for a meal at home. Someone who had not spoken to her in 11 years. On being asked who that was, she broke down and told us, it was her dad. Who had actually disowned and thrown her out when she came out of the closet when she was a little boy saying, “I used to have 2 sons, I will just assume one of them is now dead.” Now that can never be matched by any trophy, award or list. We all had goosebumps when we first heard it. I still get them every time I repeat the story. 

In conclusion, it’s been a ball-busting campaign spread across almost a year with some insane anecdotes that the team will be able to share with their grandkids one day. The trick is not to let a massive unexpected success become a cross you bear as something that you’ll never be able to top. It doesn’t matter. Whether you’re ever able to match it or beat it. What matters is if you enjoyed doing it. Do it again. Because you enjoyed doing it the first time around. Irrespective of whether Obama tweets about it this time either or not [Though I still haven’t given up on that thought yet]. Or whether you make it or not on to another list of the Top 50 Creative People in the World. Because anyway, you will still have to ensure you’ve picked up the veggies!

RANVEER SINGH IS THE HERO WE ALL NEED TODAY!

I don't know what prompted me to write this. After so many years in the media/ entertainment/ film industry, one learns to develop a thick skin. And learn to ignore most things written about you in media/ social media. As a lot of them are written from a position of [total/ partial/ selective] ignorance and because there's a ready soapbox available. At times though, when something gets written/ spoken about something/ someone you like. By someone you like even more, it triggers things. So I needed to put this out to make myself feel better. So here it is... 

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RANVEER SINGH IS THE HERO WE ALL NEED TODAY!
- Ashish Patil -

Films are a great reflection of society. There was a reason why the angry young man exploded in the 70’s. He was born out of the repression, angst of the common man with the establishment. And he always had a reason to be angry. His parents had been bumped off, he was an illegit kid, his girlfriend dumped him, corruption frustrated him, his father refused to accept him or someone tattooed “Mera baap chor hai!” on his arm. But as things got better, easier, not just the angry young man, but also pretty much entire childhoods got erased from films. The Rahuls, Prems of the world were all kids who were born rich, happy, successful. Pretty much like kids born into a world with Satellite TV, mobile phones, hight speed internet. Obsessed with having a good time. Today that has moved to Bittoo, Kabir, Kaira, Shruti, Piku, Alizeh, Farah, Sid, Bunny who reflect the new generation. They’re not larger than life. They’re real.

Ranveer with his fans, how he always makes time to make them feel special

They’re people we can relate to, connect to. Do they know what they want and how to get it? No. But neither do I – and I’m 43 now. And as famous pop poet, philosopher, guide, Bono said, “I still haven’t found what I was looking for!” The difference is, this generation has the courage to go look for it. Not settle for a ‘safe job’. They’re excited to take risks. Across everything. Careers, education, relationships. They’re happy to admit they don’t know yet. But they wanna find out. And they’re not scared of that. Don’t judge them for that. And they’re also not afraid to show what they feel. Their excitement, their fears, their happiness, their sorrows. Often a lot of the tears that you do see on those reality shows aren’t always fake. And as crafted and manipulated their instafeed or snap stories may look – that is the dream life that they’re hoping to live out. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Especially when they are ready to work bloody hard to get it.

Ranveer’s iconic Bang Bang Krrish dare for Hrithik on Linking Road, Mumbai

The film industry – just like any other industry – has its fair share of fakes. But the film world gets knocked down a lot more about it because it’s always under the scanner – media and otherwise. We do live in a make-believe world. I think Marilyn Monroe said that. And personally I am sick of the fakes that surround us. The fake smiles, the fake kind words at a screening followed by the whispering “what a shit film”, the fake politically correct interviews, the fake ads – really, the consumer is way smarter than most marketers think. Their bullshit meter is so high, so when a superstar tells you about how he drives a hatchback because the mileage the car gives is so great, I wanna laugh. Yeah right! I believe you shop for your own veggies. Why don’t we save the bull, and instead, just do what you’re best at… entertain me, tell me what’s good about this. And then let me decide if I’ll buy this product. I know of actors who tip off the paps to land up at airports as they exit. Who give crafted interviews, with answers scripted by their publicists. They bore me.

Ranveer doing a video for Akshay’s Rustom

I joined YRF about 7 years back. Band Baaja Baaraat had just been greenlit and we were in prep when this weirdo who often people call ‘the energizer bunny even without batteries’ would be around the studio. If you saw the film poster or looked at him, your reaction initially – and that was shared by most people when the first look of the film came out – was “isko bolo chai leke aaye!”. But over a period of time as I interacted with Ranveer, I realized this was the real deal. This was NOT an act. That IS him. He is always on. And most people who saw Band Baaja couldn’t help but be blown away by him and his performance. And anyone who has met the guy in real life will also be blown away by him and his performance – and the performance is real. It is NOT an act. His OTT-ness, his Govinda-ness, his obvious fan-boy giri for Hrithik, SRK, Akshay. He will take THAT level of trouble – rent a Krrish costume, go to Linking Road, set a benchmark for a dare that is now the gold standard for film promos – because he cares to do the best he always can and up his game. He is someone who will also do something incredibly special if you tell him it’s your kid’s birthday – even if he doesn’t know you. Because he is that guy. He wants to perform. To entertain you. To make you happy. He is not trying too hard. That is him. On his much commented upon style of dressing – I remember, Mr. Bachchan once seeing Ranveer in a green suit telling him he looks like a plant. And him turning up at an awards show for most stylish man of the year, consciously in his jammies with a tee that said ‘no fucks to give’. Not because he’s a showman, to make a statement. That is him. But hey, he’s original and real. Not crafted by a stylist who pulls out what to wear for him everyday.

Ranveer even before he entered films recreating all his favorite film characters, Mr. India, Mola Ram and, of course, Puck-Chick-Puck-Raja-Babu!

About 3 years back I was given the added responsibility of running the talent division at YRF. And as part of that I also manage Ranveer. And as much as I love the guy, and I do, I am among his hardest and harshest critics. It’s important to do that to keep you rooted. And was the first to ask him to “Keep Calm, Jupp Naam!” in any/ all situations. Good or bad. But I realised very soon that everything Ranveer does is with 200%. There’s no halfway house. When he’s replicating an emotion of being shot, he will clamp his ribs while shooting Lootera and undergo excruciating pain. He will shave his head, and refuse to wear a bald wig, for one e-n-t-i-r-e fucking y-e-a-r at a phase when his career is set to explode at the cost of turning down, risking multiple brand endorsements, events and pot loads of money, besides other films because that’s the only way he will FEEL like Bajirao. Be Bajirao. Else he will be fake. And that will kill him. He will take the risk to endorse categories that no one in the industry in India OR overseas does – like condoms because he believes it’s important. He will be the first to endorse a category and brand that most of his contemporaries will be scared to touch. And make it cool. Even if it involves catching a ball with his butt. He will shoot 23 hours/ day and report back on set at 4am the next morning with the same energizer bunny enthusiasm – yes even without the batteries – because that is him. There’s a reason why brands love him. He doesn’t start looking at the clock as we lead up to the end of an 8 hour shift while shooting a commercial. HE WILL NOT LEAVE THE SET UNTIL WE’VE GOT THE BEST POSSIBLE PIECE OF COMMUNICATION WE COULD OUT. He works hard. He also parties very hard. And he pushes his team as hard to do and be the best he and we can all be. I see the meticulousness of Aamir in him in prepping for a part, I see the aura of Salman – he has the same ability to light up any room, including a boring board room as he walks into it, ask any advertiser he’s worked with – and I see the passion, excitement & warmth of Shahrukh in him in all his interactions with each and every person; a fan, a spotboy, his crew. And he is real. It is NOT an act.

Especially because today we live in a world of trolls and haters. You put out a picture of a puppy and someone will comment they wanna eat it! The last month has been what I call the 3D month – with discussions on Deportation of Pak artistes, Donald Trump and Demonetization. With our FB timelines looking like News Hour at 9. Even minus Arnab. We honestly, don’t need that. We live a world where everybody’s supposed to be cool, and act tough and put up fronts and everybody is so cynical. That was from Jerry Maguire, btw. In that world, when I see someone who is optimistic to a fault. Who is real. And wants to give his best. And be the best he can and also entertain you, excite you, inspire you, push you to be the best version of yourself you can be. And be happy, and spread happiness... it’s refreshing. This honesty, candidness bordering on madness. But, for that, of course, you’ll be misunderstood.

Ranveer taking pictures of a Korean couple in Switzerland who had no idea who he was

But irrespective, those are the heroes we seek today. Real people. The heroes we NEED today are those real people. Who do NOT practice some restraint. Who never stop trying hard. Who know that they’re a work in progress. Who have a permanent learner’s license. Who do it with passion or not at all. People who chose to chase their passion, not their pension. And that for me is a hero. Yes, look now and like now. That is Ranveer Singh. 

Ranveer, live tweeting, about his surgery from the Operation Theatre

How Sick Are You?

HOW SICK ARE YOU?

- By Ashish Patil -

Last week, I happened to catch a bit of the flu. Or what doctors call something when they have no fucking idea what’s wrong with you, “viral” [Note: This has nothing to do with the term that Senior Brand Managers use when briefing their creative agencies these days, “Ek viral banaa ke do!”]

And the viral was really going, erm, viral! I knew of at least 6 to 8 friends/ colleagues/ friend’s colleagues/ colleague’s friends/ relatives/ relative’s friends/ friend’s… you get the idea… who’d caught it as well. And no, there was no IPL, FIFA, long weekend round the corner that usually triggers violent retching, high temperature or the loosies in most people. Often simultaneously.

I realized, that you could classify people into 4 quadrants basis their state of health – both, actual & perceived. So, showcased below is a special ‘sickness mapping chart’ that you can use to categorize people.

Why do you need to do that? Well, knowledge is power. And knowing where people stand [or lie down – depending on the state of their health] will better equip you to deal with them. These could be your employees, your spouse, your kids… or even yourself. And honestly, it’s just fun. Here’s how it works…

Graphic: Sickness mapping chart © Ashish Patil 2015

X-axis is the actual sickness axis. The further to the right you are… the sicker you are.

And if you’re at the start line on the left, you should be racing Milind Soman.

Y-axis is your self-perceived state of health axis. The higher you are… the sicker you think you are. So, if you’re at the bottom of this axis, you probably think you should be racing Milind Soman… though you should probably not even race your bladder to the loo. [Sister, pass me the bed pan!]

1.     Hi Hypochondriacs

These are people who are fine. But always think they’re sick. And their self-diagnosis could range anywhere from having caught the Ebola virus to having got tested HIV+

Their [mental] immune system is the weakest. And they can catch anything by even reading or hearing about it. The most likely source of contagion is Google. They read up the symptoms and grow a tumor! And their condition is usually very very serious.

The reasons for this are not known. Various hypotheses exist. From being needy attention seekers to just being lazy assholes.

The best way to deal with them is – firmly. The best prescription is a kick in the ass!

2.     Bimaar Baalaks

These are people who are genuinely unwell. And know and accept they are too. Simple hai phir. Medical certificate, sick leave, dawaa aur kuchh zyaada ho toh dua.

If it’s a frequent occurrence then it could be something that requires some serious evaluation of lifestyle, habits and certainly some tests. They should probably date a doctor and/ or take up an assignment/ position like Senior Strategy Officer or Vice President HR. There’s no heavy lifting involved and the delirium from the medication will probably help fuel the bullshit required for those profiles.

3.     Fit Fuckers

These are people who are hale & hearty plus they know it and like to show it. They are probably from Krypton and can only be weakened if you were to find green kryptonite to shove up their bums. Matlab, haraamzaade, kabhi bimaar hi nahi padte.

And some are worse, they go on and on about their ‘fitness regimes’. Now these could vary from the no tea, no coffee, only green tea/ no carbs, no fat, only salads diet/ no elevator, no sitting, only stairs, standing desks/ walks, runs, jogs, swims, gym, yoga, hot yoga, cold yoga, Pilates, kick-boxing, meditation, Zumba, aerobics, treks, planks, reps, legs, abs, arms, biceps and what not. Eww!

They shouldn’t frankly even be featuring on this note – they should go drink a protein shake while they bench press with their babies.

4.     Health Hazards

These are people who are actually unwell, but refuse to believe it, accept it or do anything about it. “Oh, it’s just a cold!”/ “Oh, it’s nothing, probably lack of sleep!”/ “Kuch nahi yaar, just tiredness!”

These are people who [while we appreciate their commitment to work and all that] are simply stupid. They believe they have adamantium fused into their bones, which gives them magical healing abilities [no, you shit, you are NOT the Wolverine!] They will delay any and all kinds of treatment until they are on the verge of collapse and they will usually take one or two people [usually at least their partner or a colleague] down with them. “Iss dawaai ki kya zaroorat hai?”/ “I think you’re over-reacting!” These are the guys who will usually land up at work and spread their germs. Or realize that all their arteries are blocked only after the heart transplant [thank God for the green corridor – but “isski kya zaroorat thi!”]

The only way to deal with them is – from a distance.

Arre bhosdike, so jaa! Ghar jaa! Aur usse pehle, doctor ke paas jaa!

Ok, so now that you guys know how to categorize people – you don’t have to wait to actually get sick or for a visit to the doctor’s clinic to start identifying these people. Run through your FB friend list. Even their posts are a good clue, e.g.:

Typical Hi Hypochondriac posts

“Feeling sick”

Typical Bimaar Baalak posts

“Checked in @ Kokilaben. Visiting hours are 5 to 7pm.”

Typical Fit Fuckers posts

Picture of their abs, #selfie #workout #gym #trainer #reps

#chutiye!

Typical Health Hazards posts

“Feeling awesome”/ “I’m ready for Monday, Monday are you ready for me!”

I’m not sure where I classify under these… I still need to run a few tests to arrive at a more conclusive diagnosis. But one thing is for certain, my sense of humor certainly is sick!

The Day I Snatched A Blind Man's Walking Stick!

The Day I Snatched A Blind Guy’s Walking Stick!

- Ashish Patil -

This was sometime in 1994/95. I was working for SSC&B. The new creative hotshop that Lintas had set up. I wanted to be close to creative and in those days, the only ‘creative’ options were Advertising. [TV, radio, films or for that matter digital weren’t really serious or stable options then as they are now.] The advantage of working in advertising – even if I had crossed over to the ‘dark side’ of Account Planning/ Client Servicing from Copywriting [I had to get a ‘real job’] – was that you occasionally got a shot at writing the odd headline, a tagline, a one-off radio jingle or more. And the kick of seeing something you’ve written up on a hoarding or a half page press ad was incredible! For a 21 year old, starting out on his career, it was like you’ve been given the Lifetime Achievement Award at the Abby’s [yeah yeah, I know it’s the GoaFest now.]

Lintas had a division called SOMAC [Social Marketing Advertising & Communications] run by a wonderful lady called Gulan Kripalani. This unit did all the CSR work for the brands Lintas handled. And some of it’s own. And as NGO units are run, they’re non-profit organizations. They’re not meant to be non-profit themselves, but they often are ;) So you get your work done through favors, influence, ‘leaning on’ people and more. But you get your work done! SOMAC also had a couple of hoardings across the city. Chowpatty/ Marine Drive/ Babulnath temple. High traffic locations in Mumbai. Like those traffic/ road safety creatives that Karishma advertising [that was a really cool agency that did some kick ass work @ralphcrasto will bear me out!] used to do – though the new ones are all shit. Each creative got a 4-week window. Base exposure needed for a campaign, besides the fact that it was unaffordable to repaint hoardings more than once a month.

Just like everyone knows how disability/ pro-social communication & stories are award magnets – look at the Oscars® – it holds true even in advertising. So every creative guy [including the not so creative creative guy] would love to take a crack at a campaign every month for SOMAC. Big advantages were that…

a) You’re not working from a [usually shit] brief – you’re writing your own brief!

b) There’s no client approval necessary, feedback of “logo badaa karo” or “Issmein wo nahi hai yaar”

c) You’re guaranteed a release so you can enter all awards – don’t need to pay Meghalaya Midday to get a release out!

So I also thought I should take a crack at this. And wrote a hoarding for World Sight Day. My very dear friend @amardeb was creative head at SSC&B then. He was always very supportive of even ‘those client servicing people’ trying to be creative. Amar really liked the idea I’d cracked and got the very talented @maheshgharat who was a junior art director then [but is now Very Very Senior Creative Director at Ogilvy for South Asia, Intergalactic, Milky Way and some parts of a new yet to be discovered Galaxy Far Far Away] to even do a layout for me. And what do you know, suddenly the idea looked even cooler. Excited, I took the ad to Gulan at SOMAC. And she liked it. But… I sensed a ‘but’ coming. And sure enough, she said, it’s great, BUT it’s the classic advertising creative trap. Great creative, no action. Even if it moves me to want to act, I have no way to know how. And you’ve lost a genuine opportunity to create impact. The agency and advertising in general is full of people who want to do lip service. And don’t really give a shit. Don’t be that guy. Not so early on in your career at least!

Gulan

Amar

Mahesh

Lesson #1: Ideas without Actions AND Results are pointless

The other thing she did – not in a Senior Management Way – was she threw the problem back at me, but did NOT give me the solution. She told me to think about it, figure it out and come back as she’d love to run the ad in the coming month itself if I could nail this action bit.

I was as irritating & persistent then as I am now – ok maybe a little lesser then – and decided to go at it. And in those analog days of no mobile, digital, etc., when having ‘Rediff.com’ on your media plan came out of the ‘innovation’ budget… the answer sat in plugging in a simple helpline you could call to donate your eyes or at least get more information on. I got to work. Went through the Tata Press Yellow Pages. I made some calls. And sourced out the most respected set up that could be the answer – NAB [National Association for the Blind]. And pulled the correct helpline number. Besides ratifying the same with the NAB guys. I wanted to go a step further, so I managed to get a conceptual nod from NAB to also have their logo carried if we chose on the ad so that it added some credibility to the communication. I took it back to Gulan. She was thrilled and said let’s go for it. The hoarding had to go up in 2 days.

NAB

Lesson #2: If you really want to teach someone something then don’t spoon feed them… guide them, but let them figure it out on their own. [The parallel of ‘give a guy a fish and he’ll eat for a day Vs. teach a guy how to fish and he’ll never starve’. Btw, I’m vegetarian.]

The only catch was basis Lintas systems & procedures; I needed to get an NOC from NAB to carry the logo. By that evening. 4:30pm to be specific – as accounts closed by 5pm – if the creative had to go up in time for the new month. Shiiite! Ab itni duur aakar, I was not about to give up. I called NAB’s head office. And dropped every name from Alyque Padamsee, Prem Mehta to some fabricated foreign sounding names. I think I used Steven Spielberg as well. I was worried about the bureaucracy, pace of movement at NAB that could deprive me of my Academy Award®. They had not heard of any of these names and were clearly unimpressed. But, irrespective, were kind enough to put me through to the Chairman of NAB. I gave him a background to this. He patiently heard my requirement and me out for the NOC. And simply said, no problem. Come on over, carry the draft, he’d sign off on it. Bingo!

Given I was working on a crazy deadline, and the fact that I’m geographically challenged [I often get lost getting to the bedroom from my own loo!] – I asked him if he could help me with directions to get there.

This was my introduction to the world’s first Human GPS service. He asked me a set of very specific questions. Where am I coming from? What time do I plan to leave? And what’s my mode of transport? [Bus/ Taxi/ Car/ Train/ Walking, etc.] He said he would guide me accordingly. I used to ride a bike in those days. What followed was the clearest set of directions I’ve ever received. [If only all clients, partners, artistes or people in general could be so clear in their communication/ feedback – the world would be a better place!] It was really like the navigation voice talking me through every twist, turn at every meter. It was incredible. Cross Nehru Planetarium on your right. 20 meters, right at Mela restaurant. Hit Worli sea face. That as I’m on a bike, there’s no parking, no right turn. So use the gol-chakkar further up. And after 8 buildings and 1 mosque, I will hear a beeping sound. This is a low decibel beeper kept to guide the blind school students who work here. So to keep my ears open for that. Once I’m in the gate, and I cross the 2^nd door on the right which will have a Maharashtrian guard at this time, I should come to the 1^st floor – Apologies lift is not working today – get to the 3^rd cabin on the left. It will have a very big and embarrassing placard that says ‘Chairman’. I should walk right in.

I could visualize everything as I rode there. Literally playing out just like he described. I got there and peeked into the Chairman’s office [and it was a large sign – hung lower for a reason – it also had a Braille tag to it]. I saw a middle-aged gentleman, in a safari suit, grey hair at a desk. And as soon as I knocked, he flashed a really warm smile at me and got up to greet me, shake my hand, bring me in. He looked straight into my eyes as he said, “You must be Mr. Patil… come in, come in. Hope you didn’t have any trouble finding the place.” I was thinking to myself – after those directions, I could have found my way to the moon. But was just getting over someone calling a 21-year old ‘Mr. Patil’. I told him to please call me Ashish and sat down. He said I seemed even younger than I sounded on the phone. He offered chai/ coffee but I told him I was in a rush, as I needed to catch this deadline for the hoarding creative. He then opened a jar of some ‘special kela wafers [banana chips]’ – he said meetha nahi toh kuchh moonh namkeen toh karo! Telling me how he loved these knick knacks and afternoon chai is incomplete otherwise. He thanked me for doing this for them. I pulled out the NOC and handed it to him. He pulled a pen, signed it. Made a call and asked someone to get an NAB stamp. After stamping the letter, neatly folded and handed the paper back to me. I needed 2 copies, so asked him to also sign the second one that I’d kept on his table. And he started fumbling to find it.

That’s when it hit me! He was also blind.

The specific directions, some of his statements… ‘seemed’ vs. ‘looked’ even younger, etc. all came together. I was just speechless for a bit. With just his attitude to life. His jokes. The efficiency and speed with which he moved. The way he was talking to his staff and even to the office boy who brought the stamp and pad in. The passion with which he was talking about NAB and what they were doing. About the newly set up Braille printing press & library. What they were trying to do to make blind people independent. And more. I sat, listened. He signed the second paper. I thanked him. For not just the NOC but for more than he knew. I rode off happy. Blown away. And changed for life.

With how a blind man taught me how to see.

Ps: The hoarding did get approved, painted and mounted in time

Pps: I sent a large packet of assorted chips for the afternoon chai-naashta at NAB after it finally went up

Ppps: The hoarding read as follows:

SNATCH A BLIND MAN’S WALKING STICK!

Give him your eyes instead.

[The number you call to donate your eyes followed with an NAB logo]

Pppps: I didn’t win any awards. But I felt really good about this.