Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

December 22, 2017

Dear Indira,

Many people have good intentions but very few people actually follow those through with great actions. And, unfortunately, without action, good intentions just remain those. A thought in the mind, an unsent draft of an email, an unfinished PowerPoint presentation on the hard disk. So when I get a chance to meet people who actually walk the talk, it’s not only very inspiring but also very very fulfilling.

I’d first heard about you through a very dear friend, Sudhir who mentioned what you yourself had gone through. So this was a parent, with first-hand experience wanting to give back or set up something so that other special needs parents don’t have to go through what you initially had to go through. Or get a shot at the right support and care for their kids. I still remember that first orientation session in Fort at your office, the video you played with Yuvraj. What caught me was not just the investment & infrastructure that you were putting in behind setting up The Gateway School of Mumbai, but the passion with which you were approaching it. You pretty much had me at ‘hello’ then. But then to see that vision, dream translate from an idea and good intention from sorting the permissions with the BMC, the razing and building of walls to the hiring of the right teams, their training and more… I’ve been lucky to see that come alive brick by brick.

I’ve been fortunate to get a chance to see that up close thanks to my son, Rishaan, and be a small part of that journey. I’ve seen not just the school & my son grow but also see your vision get bigger and stronger. And see that passion transferred to each and every person who’s a part of the Gateway family. Right from the heads of school and teachers to the help that works as part of the team.

I can see how & why enthusiasm is something that can never be taught but only caught – and how contagious that is when I see you on every annual day, art exhibition or the smallest celebrations looking into the smaller details. At the same time, building such an able and passionate team that lives the same values. I love the fact that no kid is ever turned away on account of not being able to afford the fees. I love the approach the school has of no kid left behind, and the genuine effort & interest that everyone has. In every child. That’s what makes this school special. Not just because it’s a special needs school. In fact, I wish I had got a chance to go to a school like Gateway.

Now before I embarrass you any further, I will stop and just say thanks for continuing to inspire, to show us all that it’s always better to choose hope over cynicism. To show us that you are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. That the distance between your dreams and reality can only be bridged by action.

And that life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

Wish you a very Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year and may you continue to dance that dance and have loads more people join you on the dance floor J

Loads and loads of love,

Ashish Patil

[Rishaan’s dad]

The 12 Things I've Learnt From My Son, Rishaan

12 years back, at precisely 7:18am, my life was turned upside down forever when Rishaan was born. I still remember, when I first took him in my arms, I’d started crying. Like someone had blown a massive hole through me and all kinds of emotions, tears came bursting out. I’d just sit holding him staring at him for hours. Thinking about the stuff that I’d like to talk to him about, teach him. Introduce him to new music, good books, bad jokes, great films, fabulous friendships and more. But as Rishaan turns 12 today, I realize that I’ve probably learnt more from him than I could ever hope to teach him. 

Here they are, in no particular order…

1.     Appreciating the small things

Chasing the big dream, the big things, the big pot of gold at the end of the proverbial rainbow, we often forget the joy and value of appreciating the little joys, the smaller things that make life awesome. So the happiness that I see on his face when he splashes into a puddle, on getting popcorn at home, with a bike ride… it’s like you’ve won the lottery! This has helped me to make note of some of the smaller things, be it a road sign, a child at a traffic signal in a car, an old couple holding hands, the extra chocolate packed in a snack box and more that help me be happier. And boy, don’t we all need those today.

2.     Enjoying music

I really like music. I mean, who doesn’t. But anyone who knows Rishaan knows that Rishaan loves music. I mean, any genre, any language, any style. He loves sound. Rishaan finds music in life. In the wind blowing, in the pressure cooker’s whistle, in the hum of your breath, in the thump of your heart, in the roar of the car, in the clink of the glass, in everything. He makes up songs, he belts them out. And while I’ve always enjoyed music, I’ve learnt to enjoy it a lot more thanks to him. Ensuring I pick up new albums, make time to hear them – be it on the way in & out of work or at work. Or looking up the lyrics. And then sharing the song is something I’ve started doing a lot more thanks to Rish.

3.     Relishing food

Rish is a foodie. In spite of the fact that he’s gluten and lactose intolerant, he really relishes his food. He eats EVERY veggie, and is happy to try anything new. It’s a joy to see him polish off a dish he loves. And the smile he’ll flash while eating it. While my taste palette is not that wide, nor am I that big a foodie, but seeing this I’ve become a lot more open to trying out new cuisines, and begun genuinely appreciating a great food item – even if it’s a simple dal rice, or dosa done well. It’s something we often take for granted.

4.     Patience

Most kids teach us that. But it’s a whole new ballgame with Rish. There are days when he can really test our patience. And while my threshold for a lot of things is pretty high, he can really push my buttons. But you learn to hold it in and find a smarter, sensible, calmer, better way to deal with things. And this has translated for me even into my dealing with people everywhere. I’ve learnt to be a lot more patient [well, more than I was earlier anyway] – be it at a traffic light, in a narration, a negotiation or creative discussion.

5.     Painting

Rish really enjoys painting these days, often he wants to express his experience on a holiday through art. And he will land up showing us something he felt through that – like his being scared on a cable car in Hong Kong or enjoying fishing in Maldives. And I’ve rediscovered painting [you may have seen some of the art we’ve been cooking up, from superheroes to Ganpatis] thanks to him. It’s so so cathartic, so much fun, so relaxing and so cool.

6.     Sharing

By design I’m selfish. But Rish is just the opposite. He wants to share things, his books, toys, food, music, what he’s learnt with all. That includes strangers. And it’s amazing to see that quality. I’ve realized giving is the only way to get, because life is a give & get, not a give & take. Like a lot of the good messaging, meaning in our storytelling and content that has now become almost a core part of the Y-Films DNA has come subliminally from living with him.

7.     Humor

Rishaan’s a clown. Not sure if he gets that from me or vice versa. He finds comedy and humor in the strangest things. Be it a silly sound or a funny gesture I may make or something as innocuous as a corny rhyme or play of words. And that can trigger a lot of laughter, LOUD laughter. I think that quality has made it back to me. Which is why there’s always some [if not lots of] humor in anything and everything I do. Be it a sales pitch/ presentation, a short film, a series, a feature, a marketing campaign, or the sharing of an anecdote. This ability to laugh and make others laugh is what keeps you sane. So laugh a little more. We all need to.

8.     Loving animals

Up until Rish, I was ok with dogs, liked them, but thanks to him I now love them. He was our primary trigger to add Happy Patil to the family. And that love extends to not just dogs, but also all kinds of animals now. He taught me to love all beings.

9.     Photography

I always enjoyed it, but thanks to such a fantastic model that I found with Rish, I started clicking a lot more pictures. From starting my FB Sunday Sights to other albums, which a lot of people I realized religiously follow, Rishaan has taught me to find and capture those moments as pictures. And critically, that a good picture is never about the quality of the lenses, the price of the equipment but just about capturing the right moment.

10.  Being affectionate

Rishaan loves PDA. If he loves you, he cares for you, he’s happy to see you then he wants to hug you and cuddle you and caress your hair and kiss you. I’m a lot more awkward. But now thanks to him, I’ve learnt that if you’re happy and you know it then you really gotta show it. So I’m a lot more huggy than I ever was before. Yeh lo geeli pappi!

11.  Being more honest

Rishaan can’t lie. He doesn’t know how to lie. Often enough, in life, we land up having to bend the truth or not share it for a variety of reasons or excuses like someone won’t understand, may feel bad or whatever. But thanks to him, you realize that they’re just that… excuses. And while life is not always simple or as black & white as we may want it to be, but often enough it’s also not that complicated or grey as we make it out to be. So he helps me be more honest, to begin with, myself and then others around.

12.  Being a better person

Overall, Rishaan has helped me become a better person. Kinder, gentler, less selfish, more patient, more honest, more mindful, more caring, more expressive, more appreciative of the smaller things. And he makes me want me to be an even better person every day. While I may be nowhere close to the ideal or perfect, but I now strive to be a better man tomorrow than I have been today.

Rish has been through so much from such a young age. He lost a twin while still in the womb, so went through immense trauma and has still come out so strong, so happy, so positive and with an incredible ability to transfer that energy to all who come in contact with him. I can confidently say that any and every teacher, counsellor, therapist he’s worked with has been transformed for the better. Just as I have been.

I still have so much to learn from him and can’t wait for the next 12 to see what new surprises he’s gonna have in store for me.

Happy birthday masta… and yeah, teach me Kung Fu!

How to choose the right career

How to choose the right job/ career?

By Ashish Patil

This is a question that all of us have struggled with or often enough continue to struggle with. Irrespective of age or stage in life & career. As Bono puts it, “I still haven’t found what I was looking for!” And what’s not just scary but tragic is that a lot of people land up being and, worse, staying, stuck in the wrong job. Knowingly!

So how do you know? How do you figure this? It’s like love, you don’t know how you know, but you, well, just do. So there are no right or wrong answers. It’s easier with jobs & careers possibly Vs. with relationships. But these are some basic principles that may help decide.

And they include a specially custom designed Career Chooser Chart by me. The X-Axis is essentially how good you are at that particular job, work. The extreme right being, “You should take a masterclass about it!” and the left being, “Tumse na hoga, bhai!” The Y-Axis is how passionate you are about that work. Absolute top being “I love it so much, I want to make babies with it and breastfeed them for life!”, the bottom being, “You hate it so much that you want it to die die die die, rot in hell, have the fleas of a 1000 camels infest its armpits!”

So that helps slice it into 4 quadrants.

1.     You love the work and rock at it [Top Right Quadrant]

This is simple. This is the work, the job that gets you frothing at the mouth excited. You’d do it for free if you could afford to. And you’re damn good at it too. Probably better than a lot of if not most other people. You’re able to bring something unique and special to it. Go find someone to pay you to do that. Or figure a way to do it, but have it pay you. If you can sort that, you’re blessed, sorted forever. Like ever! So chase this, and DO THIS!

2.     You hate the job and suck at it too [Bottom Left Quadrant]

This is also quite simple. You just have to be honest about it. You hate the work. You don’t just hate Mondays, but also Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and those half Saturdays too linked to it. And what’s worse is that you are just absolutely crap at it. You suck donkey’s dick at it. Phir chhod de na bhai. Don’t even wait to find something else, or to be fired. Izzat se khud hi chhod de. Else it will ruin you, your headspace and you’ll take a few people down with yourself while you’re at it. QUIT NOW!

3.     You don’t really like the work but are very good at it [Bottom Right Quadrant]

This one’s a bit of a trap. The largest majority floats somewhere in this quadrant. You don’t really enjoy, like the work. It’s work. It’s what you do. It’s what pays the bills. It sorts out your steady monthly income, EMIs, rent, phone bill, the annual holiday, birthday, anniversary gift, the odd party. And you’re pretty good at it too. Probably even very good. Because lot of people aren’t interested in what they do. They just run for the time out machine to catch the local back and are doing it for the above reasons. You’re among the few others who will ensure that you do a good job at something even if you don’t enjoy it. Because, well, that’s you. And the comfort, the safety net of this Vs. the uncertainty of something else, anything else… scares you shitless. What if you’re not good at it? What if you can’t get the money [forget more – even the same or close to what you’re getting now] for it? You have ‘responsibilities’. You aren’t at that age or stage when you can ‘experiment’ with your career or life anymore.

Lekin, long term mein na waat lag jayegi. You will be dissatisfied, unhappy, discontent. Mid life crisis will hit earlier, you’ll want to buy a Harley Davidson, do a road trip to Spain, jump off a plane, learn the guitar, French, salsa, get a 6 pack, do stand-up comedy and God knows what else to fill up that empty void. Mat kar bhai! Soch. But... don’t just quit yet. Figure out what you really love, are passionate about and can you find a way to move to that quadrant and get good at that. Doing what you love to do will always eventually play out better and the money will sort itself. Don’t get fooled and pulled under by the promise of the fatter pay packet, the bigger car, the better house, the fancier designation and more. But at the same time, those are good things, so don’t jump blindly. First identify, assess, figure how much you need to save up, train up, skill up to get to a stage where the possible reboot will help you fire up faster from the switch. So HANG IN THERE, EVEN IF IT’S STOPGAP, BUT KNOW IT’S STOPGAP, AND USE THAT STOPGAP EFFECTIVELY TO FIGURE THE RIGHT ONE.

4.     You love it but aren’t good at it [Top Left Quadrant]

This one’s the trickiest. You are passionate about something, love it, really are dying to do it. But have never done it. Went through the wrong acads, education stream, degrees due to various external pressures, or you didn’t know better than. Then followed through on the same line to get a fancy placement, and since you worked hard, continued to grow, get promoted, etc. and somewhere that thing you loved, always wanted to do took a backseat. Woh toh extra-curricular ban gaya. Woh toh hobby hai, kaam thodi na hai! And now you worry that it’s too late to switch. There could also be a scenario that you’ve taken the leap but are realizing that maybe you aren’t good at it. But if you really love it to death that much, don’t give up yaar. Too many people give up too easily. For a variety of reasons. Practicality, etc. Because middle class logon ke sapne bhi saale middle class hotay hain!

You have to realize that dream jobs are not just dreams. They’re jobs. Which require work. Hard work. And blood, sweat, tears, susu and lot of other bodily fluids. But they’re worth it cause they’re dreamy. So then get at it. Skills can be taught, passion can’t be. Passion has to be caught, skills can’t be. Adding skills is easier than annexing passion. So if you’ve got passion, it’s going to be easier. Lag jao. Learn, train, observe, do, cock up, do again, fail, improve, practice, rock. But chhodna mat. For a lot of people, this will be the box that you ALWAYS have to be in. Or should be in. To do what you love, want, die to do. And keep working to get better and better and better at it. CHASE THIS!

So now classifying things into 4 neat looking boxes is the easy bit, but then actually acting on it is the tough part. But pull back and ask yourself those hard questions. And answer honestly. Knowing and acknowledging where you stand is the first step in taking the correct next step. Finding the right job, career for yourself. Cause if you are able to do that, then you won’t have to work for a single day in your life again!