My 'Cool' Evening with Vinod Khanna

This is about 10 to 12 years back. I was heading MTV India then. We used to do a lot of great work for AIDS awareness. Not just in India but Globally. From the MTV Music Summit for AIDS to some local PSA/ promos and more. We partnered with a bunch of great organizations including the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, UNAIDS and among others, Parmeshwar Godrej’s Heroes Project that was working with Richard Gere to build support for the cause. 

Parmeshwar Godrej with Richard Gere

We'd done some stuff on the content side with Saroj Mayadev and Rani from their team and so I was invited in by them for a ‘soiree’ at the Godrej Villa. My first reaction was, “Arre, hee sorry ka boltay? Chaangla kaam keylay aapan!” When I was educated by my Comms head, the irrepressible Mr. Hemant Kenkre. Kenks as we lovingly called him said, “Arre vedyaa, sorry naahi… su-waa-ray… soiree, manjhe, party!” 

So I said soiree, erm, sorry for misunderstanding. But was really surprised, cause when cool people have a party for cool people – I would probably not be invited. In fact, I wouldn’t want to go to a party where people like me are invited. So Kenks again knocked some sense into me head, “Patil, zaa re. Munh-dikhaayi karke aaja!” I told him, “Iss munh-dikhaayi ke paise nahi milenge.” He gave me a look that meant he was going to speak until I was convinced, so I had to relent. And then he added, “Erm, chaangle kapde ghalun za. Your Kolhapuris won’t do. Boot aani jacket compulsory!”

Aaila! The last time I’d worn a jacket was when I got married. And I was really uncomfortable. Really, I have photographic evidence. Not just of the marriage, but the discomfort. Though a lot of people say the ‘uncomfortable’ look may not be the jacket. Anyway, so I decided to drag myself – with my shaadi ka jacket, it still fit me, and I’d also forgotten to remove a mothball from the inside pockets – to the soiree. I had an Accent then – dude, I mean my car, Hyundai Accent, not like accent-accent, the only accent of that sort I had was the one that worked well with traffic cops when you skipped a signal! – and pulled in in a jam of Maybachs, Porsches, besides Mercs, Audis, Beamers when a lot of Punjabis didn't own them yet. The valet took my keys, gave me a look again to just check I wasn’t one of the attendants and then directed me inside.

Adi Godrej in his den

I felt like I was walking into a Bond villain’s den. There were like 12 large sniffer dogs, 24 larger Dwayne Johnson knock-offs playing guards dressed like they’re from the CIA, complete with black suits, headsets, dark glasses at 9pm, 3 swimming pools – 1 for crocodiles, 1 for sharks, 1 just to pee in – really expensive looking art installations, paintings that you are not meant to understand but ‘haath mat lagaa na, gandoo, mehnge hain!’ tags and more.

Spectre without the cat

The party was already buzzing and all the people you only read about or see in the papers were already there. The high society crowd, cricketers, industrialists, etc. And I felt out of place right away. I cursed Kenks but that’s when I think I met the wonderful Parmesh Shahani for the first time. He looked like a very cool art installation even then and took me to the bar and gave me a dirty look when told him I was a teetotaler. He told me, “Don’t worry it’s free!” And then got me a Coke.

So I was standing there nursing a cola, looking for an exit cue, when I heard a voice go, “You look like you’re having fun!” So I was like, “Yeah, the excitement is killing me…” when I turn and realise it’s Vinod fuckin’ Khanna. He’s in a black suit, holding a drink. He smiles and I have all these flash cuts of him from all these films – Qurbani, Hera Pheri, Mere Apne... as it gets to the image in blue shorts I stop and smile back awkwardly. 

Vinod fuckin’ Khanna is now walking up to me. And this is happening in slow motion for me. Like it’s a Cinthol ad and he’s in a denim shirt & jeans with buttons open till his navel showing chest hair cause in those days men in movies didn’t wax their chest and he’s running with a horse for some reason and I can hear horse hooves going clippity clop, clippity clop.

He reaches me and introduces himself, “Hi, I’m Vinod fuckin’ Khanna.” No, I mean he said, “Hi, I’m Vinod Khanna.” But that’s how it was playing out to me. It’s VINOD FUCKIN' KHANNA. I’m rarely ever star-struck, but this guy was just sooo cool. So I say, “I’m Ashish Patil.” He asked me what I do. So I told him I work at MTV. And he goes, “Oh my son used to work there. He was a, what do you call it, VJ!” So I’m like, yeah, I know. And he points out to his son, “Look there he is by the pool, chatting up some ladies… baap pe gaya hai :)” Whoa! Vinod fuckin’ Khanna is cracking jokes with me. I mean Rahul was cool, but he was just Rahul Khanna. Not Rahul fuckin’ Khanna like his dad, you know. He continues, “Rahul really liked it there you know, great atmosphere, good people to work with, some fun work even if they didn't pay too well." I told him things hadn't changed much even now on that front :) He asked me what brought me here? So I reply, “To be honest, I don’t know, but we do some work for HIV/ AIDS awareness and Richard is an old friend. So that probably got me invited.” He asks, “Really?” I said no. I mean, yes about the HIV/ AIDS part but no on the Richard part. So he laughed. 

And said it’s quite amazing what you guys are doing for this cause. And went on to tell me about the time when he was at the Osho Ashram. And in those days, a lot of diseases had not been discovered or invented or more appropriately, named yet. But his Guru [and he was referring to Rajneesh] made sure that all the disciples were being tested even then. And he was clinking his glass with his glasses. So now I have ‘Mungda’ from ‘Inkaar’ playing as he’s talking about Osho.

Haiyya ho haiyya!

I told him, btw, we have another thing in common. We both went to the same college. Ex-Sydenhamites. And, in fact, my dad was his classmate. He goes, “That must have been a long time back!” I told him about this incident that my dad had narrated. About the time when apparently he and his Sydenham Gymkhana buddies burst some crackers INSIDE the classroom. And the then principal, KT Merchant had thrown them all out. He laughed and said, “That wasn’t me Patil!” And winked! And then he walked away. To the tunes of ‘Haiya ho haiya’ from 'Dayavan'. With drums in overdrive.

I found my exit cue shortly but what stayed with me about that evening was not the fact that he was so humble and so good looking and that he still had hair on his chest, even if it was white [yeah I noticed] and that the cleft is his chin was soooo deep and he was so nice. But that he was just soooooooo cool. Not just like cool looking and cool in the way he spoke and dressed. But just fuckin’ cool. He made movies cool by just being in them. He made this gig cooler by just landing up. And not regular cool. But COOOOOL. Repeat after me, “KEWWWWLLLL”. And you should feel a gush of wind as you stretch the “OOOOO”, “COOOOOOOL”. You feeling it yet? He was the original stud. And remained that. He made Salman Khan cooler by playing his dad in Dabangg. I was really dying to do an Amar Akbar Anthony reboot with him. But maybe that’s best left untouched.

So thank you for the movies, thank you for the memories, thank you for being so cool, thank you for being you. Thank you for making that evening so memorable. And by virtue of that giving me a great story to share and, in turn, making me – say it with me – “COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!”