Notes to my unborn child

This is something I'd written sometime in 2005, about 4 months into our pregnancy - one of those random numbers... 

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I still can’t believe that I’m going to be a father.

It’s the end of the fourth month and it still hasn’t sunk in.

Will it ever?

I wonder.

At times I almost forget that I’m going to be a father.

In less than 5 months.

And it’s only when I see Shital again at the end of the day that I remember.

And I wonder. I wonder…

What kind of a father will I be?

Rishaan, minutes after he was born, Oct 5, 2005

Will I be a strict dad?

The sort who’s constantly screaming at his kid.

Who’s yelling at him for playing. Or not playing.

Or breaking stuff. Or whatever?

Will I be too lenient a dad?

The one who doesn’t even know how to scream.

Who can never say no.

Will I be a fun dad?

Who’s fun to play with. [I know I’ll probably get my ass kicked in cricket even by a two year old!]

Who teaches him new games.

And new card tricks.

And how to solve puzzles.

And can be a kid too [I’ll probably fight with him over his toys.]

Will I be an over possessive, over protective dad?

Who’s constantly asking his kid what he’s doing?

Where he’s going?

How he’s doing something?

Who never lets him out of his sight?

Will I be a good dad?

Who can teach his kid the difference between right and wrong?

And good and bad?

And the right thing to do. No matter how hard it is.

I don’t know.

I wonder what kind of father I will be?

More than anything, though I hope I can be a good friend.

Because in any relationship, husband-wife, brother-sister, teacher-student, parent-child… I think the most important thing is that you can be a good friend first.

Someone you can rely on.

Someone you can turn to when you’re sad, upset, hurt, unhappy.

Someone you can share stuff with.

Someone you turn to for advice.

Someone you can express your true feelings to.

Someone who will understand you.

Someone who you can learn from.

Someone you can have fun with.

Someone who is yours.

Someone you can be yourself with.

I don’t know what kind of father I will be.

But I think I know what kind of a friend I will be.

Or at least the kind of friend I will want to be.

The best kind.

And I know if I half manage to be my kid’s best friend, I should manage to be a half decent father to him.