Really old note I'd written - over 6 to 7 years back over how much I hate walking while Shital loves it...
WALK OF LIFE
Shital likes walking. No, really. She does. I mean, ask her who her favourite comic book character is. It won’t be Betty, Jughead, Asterix, Tintin, Spiderman or so. No, it’s the Phantom. Ask her why, and she’ll tell you it’s ‘cos his secret identity is Mr. Walker. The Ghost who walks! Even her favourite brand of alcohol is Johnny Walker. It’s another matter that she doesn’t drink. The kind of songs she listens to, hums (off-key) are also in the same category, ‘Chalte Chalte’, ‘Chal Chal Mere Bhai’. About the only English song she ever liked was ‘Walk of Life’ and the only rock song she ever heard, ‘Walk this Way’. Even the films she saw, ‘Chalti ka Naam Gaadi’, ‘Footloose’ reflect this life long obsession.
But does Shital herself, really walk a lot? According to her – Yes. Reality – No. Every morning she walks from home to the temple and then to the bus stop. She feels that is pretty much the same distance as Mumbai – Khadakvasla (if you take the express highway). She often comes back and says, “Today I climbed 22 floors!” And you run to fetch her a glass of cold water to drink and hot water to soak her feet in when you realize that what she meant is that it was actually going up one floor 11 times. At different points in time. And of course, then climbing down! P-h-e-w! That must have been tiring.
One would think that so much exertion through the day might deter her desire for walking once home. But no. No such luck. I dunno, I haven’t been able to figure out why? Is it genetic? Are her parents walkers? (No. They’re Mehtas.) Did her mom walk a lot while she was pregnant? Hence the bad influence? No, that doesn’t seem the case either. Did she, as a child, have a dog, which had to be walked ever so often? No. But she insists on walking me every night. While I’d rather roll over and play dead. Is it exercise? Then why not go in the morning just like most normal people do. “No. I don’t have time in the morning. I have to go to office and I’m in a rush…” No. Then it couldn’t be about exercise. At times she says it’s because she gets to spend quality time with me. ‘Cos then I’m not looking at the television, talking on the phone or doing anything else. But hey, we can spend quality time at home by simply switching off the TV, cell phone, doorbell. No. For some strange reason, quality time together needs to be spent outside the house. ?? Why?? Does it not remain together if we’re at home alone? Does it not remain quality if we’re at home? ?? What??
So, every night it’s the same routine. Go down post dinner, walk towards Haji Ali, reach Crossroads then Shital asks, “Can we go up to Pyramid and look at salwars?” Reply ever so sweetly, “Honey, of course NOT!!!” Turn back so she asks, “Then can I have an ice cream?” So you shell out the money, she grabs an ice cream and we get home.
Ah! I knew I was on to something. Tracking this further I soon found that Shital was never keen on walks anywhere else. Conventional walk zones don’t fit into her scheme of things. “Race Course is shut by the time I come back from work” / “My hair gets dirty at Sea Face” / “Nariman Point is too crowded” / “PDP is too far” / “It’s too awkward in our building, besides that Parsi aunty from the 9th floor stares at my butt.”
Also, by chance if she happened to have seen that the ice cream guy opposite Crossroads was shut that particular day, suddenly, “I’m too tired, my legs are aching today!” Otherwise the routine remained unchanged. The flavours may have changed daily but the ice cream remained a constant. And I realized, that the entire walk obsession thing, complete with the togetherness and the quality time bit was a sham, a façade, an eyewash… ok, hold on while I get a Thesaurus… a lie!!
The truth was that what she really wanted was… a soft serve cone in litchi flavour! Uske aage, mein cone, I mean, kaun? How could I ever match up against the might of fruit, biscuit, vanilla essence, artificial colouring and Hindustan Lever’s millions?
But I decided to pick up the gauntlet! I have now become a franchisee for Kwality ice cream. Now the 5 buck ice cream cone is available in my house. Surprisingly, the urges for ‘quality time’ have stopped. Guess, what she meant all along was Kwality time together! We have also managed to bypass the need for a walk altogether. And Shital’s happy. So net-net, this franchisee deal has worked out quite well for me. Who knows I might actually even manage to make some money off this thing. If only, my wife didn’t eat all the stock!
WALK OF LIFE
Shital likes walking. No, really. She does. I mean, ask her who her favourite comic book character is. It won’t be Betty, Jughead, Asterix, Tintin, Spiderman or so. No, it’s the Phantom. Ask her why, and she’ll tell you it’s ‘cos his secret identity is Mr. Walker. The Ghost who walks! Even her favourite brand of alcohol is Johnny Walker. It’s another matter that she doesn’t drink. The kind of songs she listens to, hums (off-key) are also in the same category, ‘Chalte Chalte’, ‘Chal Chal Mere Bhai’. About the only English song she ever liked was ‘Walk of Life’ and the only rock song she ever heard, ‘Walk this Way’. Even the films she saw, ‘Chalti ka Naam Gaadi’, ‘Footloose’ reflect this life long obsession.
But does Shital herself, really walk a lot? According to her – Yes. Reality – No. Every morning she walks from home to the temple and then to the bus stop. She feels that is pretty much the same distance as Mumbai – Khadakvasla (if you take the express highway). She often comes back and says, “Today I climbed 22 floors!” And you run to fetch her a glass of cold water to drink and hot water to soak her feet in when you realize that what she meant is that it was actually going up one floor 11 times. At different points in time. And of course, then climbing down! P-h-e-w! That must have been tiring.
One would think that so much exertion through the day might deter her desire for walking once home. But no. No such luck. I dunno, I haven’t been able to figure out why? Is it genetic? Are her parents walkers? (No. They’re Mehtas.) Did her mom walk a lot while she was pregnant? Hence the bad influence? No, that doesn’t seem the case either. Did she, as a child, have a dog, which had to be walked ever so often? No. But she insists on walking me every night. While I’d rather roll over and play dead. Is it exercise? Then why not go in the morning just like most normal people do. “No. I don’t have time in the morning. I have to go to office and I’m in a rush…” No. Then it couldn’t be about exercise. At times she says it’s because she gets to spend quality time with me. ‘Cos then I’m not looking at the television, talking on the phone or doing anything else. But hey, we can spend quality time at home by simply switching off the TV, cell phone, doorbell. No. For some strange reason, quality time together needs to be spent outside the house. ?? Why?? Does it not remain together if we’re at home alone? Does it not remain quality if we’re at home? ?? What??
So, every night it’s the same routine. Go down post dinner, walk towards Haji Ali, reach Crossroads then Shital asks, “Can we go up to Pyramid and look at salwars?” Reply ever so sweetly, “Honey, of course NOT!!!” Turn back so she asks, “Then can I have an ice cream?” So you shell out the money, she grabs an ice cream and we get home.
Ah! I knew I was on to something. Tracking this further I soon found that Shital was never keen on walks anywhere else. Conventional walk zones don’t fit into her scheme of things. “Race Course is shut by the time I come back from work” / “My hair gets dirty at Sea Face” / “Nariman Point is too crowded” / “PDP is too far” / “It’s too awkward in our building, besides that Parsi aunty from the 9th floor stares at my butt.”
Also, by chance if she happened to have seen that the ice cream guy opposite Crossroads was shut that particular day, suddenly, “I’m too tired, my legs are aching today!” Otherwise the routine remained unchanged. The flavours may have changed daily but the ice cream remained a constant. And I realized, that the entire walk obsession thing, complete with the togetherness and the quality time bit was a sham, a façade, an eyewash… ok, hold on while I get a Thesaurus… a lie!!
The truth was that what she really wanted was… a soft serve cone in litchi flavour! Uske aage, mein cone, I mean, kaun? How could I ever match up against the might of fruit, biscuit, vanilla essence, artificial colouring and Hindustan Lever’s millions?
But I decided to pick up the gauntlet! I have now become a franchisee for Kwality ice cream. Now the 5 buck ice cream cone is available in my house. Surprisingly, the urges for ‘quality time’ have stopped. Guess, what she meant all along was Kwality time together! We have also managed to bypass the need for a walk altogether. And Shital’s happy. So net-net, this franchisee deal has worked out quite well for me. Who knows I might actually even manage to make some money off this thing. If only, my wife didn’t eat all the stock!
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